People ask me all the time why I’m so afraid of falling in love. I’m afraid because I don’t want to fall so insanely hard for a person only for them to leave me like I never meant a damn thing. I’m afraid that no matter how many sweet things I say or do, it just won’t be good enough. I’m afraid that after kissing me goodbye they are going to go off and kiss somebody else hello. I’m afraid of falling deeper in love with someone everyday while they are falling out of love everyday. I’m afraid of the pain that comes with heartbreak. I’m afraid to deal with the countless nights of crying and endless questions wondering where everything went wrong. I’m so terrified of the concept of love but no matter how great my fear is I always let myself fall, I fall every damn time.

If you’re going to fall in love with me, here are some things you should know beforehand. I cry often. Whether it’s during a movie, a sad song on the radio, or a regular Sunday morning. I’ll cry when I speak of things that have hurt me, even if they no longer hurt anymore. I am afraid of being left. And I am afraid of not being good enough. I will tell you the ways in which I hate myself, and not believe a single word you say when you disagree with each and every reason. You can tell me you love me countless times, but I will still be afraid of you leaving me. Don’t blame yourself. I have to expect the worst, because I always get the worst. When I fall in love with you, I will love each crack in your skin and every freckle of light in your eyes. I will fall in love with the way you look while you’re sleeping, and the way your mouth curves when you say my name. I can be difficult to love, but for me loving you will always be so easy. All I ask is that you don’t give up on me, and in return I will never give up on you. And I will love you with my entire heart. And if one day you decide to leave, I will still think highly of you. I will still remember the kind hearted person you are.